The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
