We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
