i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
