Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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