He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
