I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
