Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
