He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You are a genius and a whore.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
