There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
