oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
