How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
