dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
