You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
