I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
