You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You left your phone here
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