how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
