whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
