Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
