Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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