you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
