i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
