We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
soo... how was my night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
