I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
