Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
