Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
