Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
