If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
