the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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