In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You may now shotgun with the bride
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
