I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
