I puked a lego.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
