you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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