If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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