Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
even my farts smell like vagina
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
