You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
