why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
