Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
