Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
God, I missed his penis.
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