u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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