and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Found your dick twin last night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
