dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize