Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sarcasm needs its own font
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
