I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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