I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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