Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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