they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
