I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
