She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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