I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
