I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
