hotel room ftw
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
