please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
