I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
