so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
