My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
