im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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