You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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