come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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