I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
