i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Randomize
