My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
