That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
