Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
