He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
