Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
