lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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