Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
