have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I pour the whiskey from now on
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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