A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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