if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
