so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
