Tell her she can't have a vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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