I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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