Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
