The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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