he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Boobs speak an international language.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
