If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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