trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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