Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
