Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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