the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
