it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
