I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
